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Even when the economic forecast is sunny, young people in their dating years and students especially need some pointers on how to date inexpensively without seeming cheap. So we won't suggest you make every date a budget date, but even throwing one of these every third time or so will make a difference - and for once you'll have a different idea besides "dinner and a film"!
1. Have a 'pet date'.
Have a dog? Does your friend have a dog? Great, let's find a park where they can both romp around and frisk together, while you two can spend some time together. It almost suggests itself.
2. An ecology outing.
Everybody talks about long walks on the beach, but what about a visit to a forest, National Park, historic site, or ancient abandoned city? Some local tours in your area might prove inexpensive, and other outdoor sports such as rafting, hiking, mountain climbing, or trail biking usually have groups and tours that get together for outings. Aside from the equipment, these are cheap to attend, and even the equipment for most things isn't that far out.
3. Visit a museum.
Your local museum misses you. Museums are inexpensive and never crowded. You get to leisurely stroll through, setting your own pace. You get to impress your date with your thoughts on Rodin and Renoir. And every large city has a science exhibit, which is great fun because they're interactive. Zoos are another economical choice.
Jodie Brittain
We loved this little slice-of-dating-life story over at the Sun-Herald, because it sets up the Aesop for an important point: When it's not working, step on it and go on to something else as fast as possible. Her adventures relate her disappointment with a boyfriend who had the emotional substance of jello. And after 27 years absence from the dating pool, that last thing you want is someone who's going to waste your time. As a souvenir of her experience, she had a shirt printed up which says "I wait for no man!"
You go, Elaine! Pick up that self-esteem and go find somebody who regards you as a treasure to be cherished. To anybody else in Elaine's position, we recommend a new way to see yourself: as a god or goddess for one week. Demand presents, peace offerings, prayers, sacrifices, and be sure to pull the occasional miracle out of your hat to keep your minions trembling with respect.
Jodie Brittain
Slinky - The Free Dating Site
Oh, is that ever a chilling headline for the parent of teenagers! Well, fear not, for author Lisa Jander has written a book called "Dater's Ed: The Instruction Manual for Parents". It's based on the idea of "Driver's Ed" from high school. Yes, teens will groan and roll their eyes as parents the world over read out loud from this manual and give tests. For the teens and young singles, parents owe you an explanation. Because you're wondering "What gives with mom and dad? Why are they so uptight? Did they expect me to be a nun?" Well, it's natural to feel defensive about your kids. It's less about micro-managing who you love and why - than it is about putting you on safety watch so your folks don't have to lie awake at night with pictures of psychos and stalkers go through their heads.
That being said, any parent should acknowledge that they're going to be wrong about who their children date at least 25% of the time. How could you possibly not get it wrong? You're a parent!
Jodie Brittain
We don't advocate your trying these kinds of things on a first date. The first time, you'll be too nervous and awkward around each other to get much mileage out of these. What these are, are ideas for the third date and up - when you're through assessing whether they're someone you'd want to spend more time with and now it's just a question of seeing if you're right for each other. #1. Go for a little trip together. This can be as simple as driving across the city, or perhaps taking a chartered boat across the harbor. Traveling, just the two of you, you get to see how your date handles functional activities instead of recreational ones. Driving, especially, is an easy one to read. If your date drives, do they impatiently race, or are they happy to go with the flow of traffic? When they park, do they pick the first open space or do they circle the lot three times looking for the closest possible space? If you drive, is your date comfortable with you in control? If it's a trip, is your date anxious and fidgety, not knowing what to do with themselves?
#2. Take a walk in the park. This is kind of a way to get the two of you away from distractions. Without food, drinks, music, or activities, you'll have nothing to do but just chat with each other. If you both feel awkward, this might be a sign that you're not cut out for each other. If you settle down beneath a tree and spend hours just enjoying each other's company, that's an excellent sign!
#3. Run some errands with your date. The third date or so is probably the time you can be excused to have a few events in everyday life intrude on your leisure life, anyway. So before you get the date-proper underway, just explain that you have to do one quick thing forst and offer to take them along. Nothing complicated! Pick up the dry cleaning, grab a couple of things at the market, or maybe you promised to feed the neighbor's pet while they're out... don't make it something that takes longer than 20 minutes. Is your date sporting enough that they'll want to come along? Do they act put off that they aren't the priority for even this minute? Do they 'team up' and help you?
#4. Play a game. Any social sport will do - a billiards round, a game of darts, miniature golf, ping pong, skee-ball, bocce, or bowling. You can even offer to compete for a round on your Wii! The point of this is to see how your date performs under competitive circumstances. Are they so driven that they must win at all costs? Are they sore losers? Insufferable winners? Remember that the way they play a competitive game is the exact same way they'll act in an argument. If your date is rooting for you to win and offers pointers on how to improve the game, even if you beat them, that's a great sign!
#5. Spend a full day together. This is a much more involving version of the two-hour date. Perhaps you can go to a resort, spend a day at the beach, or even go shopping together. Anything that will involve at least two meals during the length of time. This shows how your date hangs in there for the long haul. Watch for how they interact with other people: are they polite and courteous with waitresses and sales clerks? Do they get cranky if they get hungry? Do they get tired easily? Do you work well together as a team?
Jodie Brittain
If you want to use the Craigslist site for looking for love, don't let us stop you. Just be aware that the site, through no fault of its own, tends to draw the lowest common denominator. This hilarious article goes into the many flakes, posers, and just plain brainless minions who post on Craigslist just because they can. The best is the third point, "Mediocrity in the first degree.". We'd like to see more people loosen up when they write a profile. Make fun of yourself. Make fun of dating. Make fun of the person reading. After browsing 1000 profiles before getting to yours, think how much attention you'll get if you are the one who throws every idea about online dating out the window and posts something daring and original.
Jodie Brittain
In this excellent article The 5 Dates All “Nice Guys” Should Go On, men who are too "nice" are given a sound spanking and put in a corner, before getting some new instructions on how to break themselves of the "nice guy" habit and become a man who gets women. We love that, and to go with this list, we'd like to recommend five women all "nice guys" should date. Because after these sharp-taloned harpies are done with you, your shining armor will be rusted right off. Go get 'em, Galahad!
A spoiled "princess". This is just the woman who will appreciate having a neutered cow around for a pet boyfriend. Thrill to her demands, her whining, her suspicion, her manipulation! She will demand an endless stream of expensive gifts and still not be appeased at all.
There's a lot to love in this list of six signs you’ve fallen into the “friend zone”, but while we're at it, why not try to find the point where we made the mistake to end up here, and then see what we could do differently? Follow along with the list, guys:Jodie Brittain
While we like the idea expressed by Official Dating Resource's suggestion to compose a funny and cocky subject line that will stand out like a beacon in a woman's in-box, we kind of don't like the tactic presented. That challenge mentality only works on some kinds of women. But there's lots of other tricks that you can use to break the ho-hum monotony of reading online dating replies:
The Seinfeld subject. A complete non-sequitur like "How do you get egg yolk stains out of a shag rug?" or "By any chance, do you work for a bathtub grouting company?"Jodie Brittain
Online Dating Australia
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What's the point of blogging if you aren't going to shake things up every now and then? So we're going to have to disagree with this MSN News story's claim that breaking up by SMS is a bad thing. Yes, it's cheesy and tacky. Get used to it, because that's us. See, Internet communication is the standard and it's never going away. When they invented the phone, for a while everybody was saying that you don't use the phone for "formal" communication matters, but notify by post or telegram instead. When telegrams came out, they were to be used for trivial communications and everything else should be post. And so on and so on.
Bah! People are using SMS to do everything from propose to dump to announce pregnancy. It's going to happen anyway. We may not like it, but the times are changing. To hold any other position would be akin to being a Luddite.
Jodie Brittain
Online Dating Australia
Dating, whether online or offline, is a game where the winner is always the one who keeps the most positive mental attitude. In no other aspect of life do we find so many self-defeating illusions that people have. We hear them every day, and they're often used to justify why people don't even try. Here's the most common we've heard: #1. You have to put out.
Sure, sex is expected at some point. But when? Not everybody - and we insist that this apply to guys, too - thinks with their pants. We've seen it lately happen the other way around from the traditional stereotype, where now men complain that women pressure them for sex, almost as often as women complaining about the men. It's just as wrong from either side; many of us, even if we have a high libido, would like to at least have some standard and be sure that the person meets our criteria before just hopping into bed. But what's more disconcerting is when people just do it because they think that's expected of them.
#2. Traditional sexual roles.
This is a big one, because many women back down from flirting and initiating contact because they will be seen as too pushy. The fact is, the 21st century has seen a great equalization; it's now the accepted norm for anybody to ask anybody else out. And ladies, the younger blokes don't mind at least some encouragement.
#3. You have to agree on everything.
Try this some time: Find somebody who is as close to being your twin as possible. Spend some time with them. Yes, you agree a lot, and what happens to the dialog? It dies out. Have you tried dating an opposite? It's intriguing, it's challenging, it keeps your interest. This doesn't mean you should argue with your date about everything. But learn to respectfully disagree, and yet still love somebody who thinks differently from how you do.
#4. It's all about the looks.
The Internet has served to perpetuate this one, unfortunately. Good looks are important, sure, but they're not the be-all and end-all. The kinds of people who only take looks into consideration quickly learn that looking good and making a good living companion are two different things. Then we all founder, because our society places so much importance on how you look and very little on how to improve your mind, be polite, agreeable company, or develop strong character.
#5. Men have to be rich.
When was the last time we even saw a traditional-role family where the man is the breadwinner and the women stays home to do housework? Not very often. The norm for most couples is to have a two-career household, and even then one partner may work while the other goes to school and improves their career later. men, there's nothing wrong with being a househusband for a working woman. In fact, it can be a pretty fun life!
#6. Smart women are intimidating.
How sad that this idea even exists. It chases valuable talent away from the sciences, where women could have given us some brilliant minds which might have cured AIDS, ended world hunger, or discovered the next energy source. It also ensures that men end up with decorative fashion models with flat personalities and no mental stimulation. The great majority of men in surveys have indicated that they place importance on intelligence and personality traits, as well as looks. So go ahead, gals, show off some smarts!
#7. Geeks aren't popular.
This old hold-over idea from a century ago needs to be thrown out. Look at the Forbes' list of top 100 world billionaires, and look how many of them are CEOs of tech companies. Look at how technology is present in every aspect of our lives. The time of the 'geek' being seen as undesirable is long-gone. Both male and female geeks are seeing their stock rise.
Jodie Brittain
But the concept of a dating coach is not that new at all. It goes all the way back to 1897, at least, with the play by Edmond Rostand. Cyrano helps his friend Christian win the heart of Roxane, using his own wit and charming words to be spoken through Christian's handsome face. While in this case, Cyrano is secretly in love with the lady himself and so is not doing it for money, the principle is the same.
It makes sense that life coaches would specialize in this department and there would be a market for them. Who among us hasn't asked another's advice in matters of love? We ordinarily turn to our friends and acquaintances for anything from "Should I wear these shoes?" to "Does he really like me?" A dating coach makes sense in that regard - why not ask an expert?
Yet we can also see where the stigma comes from. There is controversy over this practice, where it's associated with the "speed-seduction" subculture. This isn't necessarily anything like that, though. Done right, it can be a solution for people who are desperately lacking in social skills in an increasingly digital society where nobody has the time to really study people anymore.
It's such great advice, it's a sure bet that women will want to bookmark it too, to send men who fail to get a clue. Of course, men who fail to get a clue also fail at reading and understanding. We won't invent a way to solve that problem for many generations, yet. Come to think of it, that's the whole problem with the clueless people in general, never mind online dating.
Anyway, as many of you guys out there can attest, it's an uncomfortable situation to happen to be the kind of guy who looks scary. Isn't it? We've observed the kind of man who can walk up to an intersection and you hear all the drivers locking their car doors.
According to Morgenstein, If you view all of Planet Earth as a singles bar, then walking your dog, practicing yoga, riding mass transit, buying a book, renting a house or even getting your teeth cleaned can lead to the woman of your dreams. Read more & some reviews here
A few more suggestions to consider:
Speaking of massage, how about a head rub, back rub, or foot massage? These are simple, informal little things you can do, in public or in private. Remember that humans, being a primate, bond through any pleasant physical contact, not just sex or foreplay.
A playful tickle. Perhaps even some playful wrestling, if you and your partner know your strength enough not to hurt each other. Some find this arousing, while others just consider it good childish fun.
Crack your partner's back, or help with their exercises, or other borderline therapeutic aids. You may scoff at this - if so you've never had your back cracked by somebody who knows what they're doing.
Hey, and don't forget a good old-fashioned hug! In fact, we could stand to have a more liberal-hugging society all around. At least some of us would benefit if at least once per day a perfect stranger hugged us.
It gives some good advice, and you have to chuckle over the part where you're advised to "...review past chats and take note of the promises that you gave in the past". Heh, we talk a lot when we're flirting and don't remember everything, so we have to keep our story straight, huh? Never truer were the words "an honest person never has to remember anything".
My own little part to add: people should be looser about meeting up for dates. So many online daters agonize for months before finally going out to meet in person. What's everybody so shy about? Don't you strike up conversations with the person next to you on the subway, or talk to people at work? So if you don't expect that every person will be "The One", and just go to have fun and socialize, you'll overcome your shyness and who knows, maybe even click with somebody that you thought wouldn't work out.
My other idea: for those people who don't know how to describe themselves, two of these kind of people can agree to meet for an "evaluation date". The purpose is just to socialize, get to know each other for an hour, then you both agree to go home and write the other person's profile! there, now you have a description of yourself as somebody else sees you. This can be a benefit, because people frequently forget to list their best qualities.
Meh, it's an idea...
Jodie Brittain
Comedies (Teen)
example: American Pie, Porkys
Teen comedies usually revolve around sex, love, and the frustrations of functioning in the world. Fans of this kind of film feel awkward in life and identify with the protagonist as they fumble through a series of embarrassing mishaps. They have a very broad sense of humor and are very social.
Comedies (Alternative)
example: Monty Python, Clerks
These are the thoughtful, intelligent types. Monty Python and Kevin Smith appeal to the geeks and nerds, and generally a highly educated crowd. Look for analytical and scientific types to flock to these.
Science Fiction
example: Star Trek, A Scanner Darkly
Note that we do not include Star Wars, because that's an action/adventure series. True science fiction draws fans with a strong imagination who like to think. Think of quiet, contemplative people who are very well-read.
Superhero Series
example: Dark Knight, Transformers
Superheros and their uber-villians represent very simple morality plays. Fans of these films like their problems simplified so they can come up with a solid solution. They admire strength and courage, and are given to having a strong character.
Action
example: National Treasure, Star Wars
Similar to superhero films, action films are also a genre that appeal to people who enjoy the simple pleasures in life. But they're more into the action for action's sake. Look for thrill-seekers here, and people who are spontaneous and energetic.
Chick Flicks
example: The Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants, Sex in the City
In spite of the name, both men and women who watch these kinds of films are very intelligent about emotions. To them, romance is one of the most important things in life. Look for people here who are empathic, sentimental, and tend towards kindness.
Scary Films and Thrillers
example: Saw, Hellboy
Contrary to what you might expect, the biggest fans of horror films are the kind of people who aren't scared easily. So look for people who are very imaginative here, and also very empathic! Also look for emotionally intense people with a good grasp of issues and who are not easily ruffled.
High Fantasy
example: Lord of the Rings, Harry Potter
Amongst fans of these films, you will find the starry-eyed dreamers for whole life is a wondrous spectacle. Look for people who may be older 'but refuse to grow up' - in a good way! They're spontaneous and creative, and love to be surprised.
Crime/Spy Drama
example: Ocean's Thirteen, The Borne Ultimatum
These films are more about what the characters are thinking than anything else, as the various characters pit their wits against each other. The fun in these films comes from trying to unravel the clues and figure out the puzzle. This crowd loves a mental challenge. Look for high IQs, sedate lifestyles, and a dramatic flair.
3D Animation
example: Shrek, Kung Fu Panda
The high-tech enthusiast is a typical fan of 3D animation. They might even have a career in computer graphics themselves. At the least, you'll find a young, smart, and hip crowd who is likely to have a Blackberry or an iPhone holstered. Also, parents love these kinds of films because their children do.
Anime
example: Fullmetal Alchemist, Deathnote
Now, anime fans are a very unique subset. Anime and manga (printed comics) run together and frequently hover around science fiction, action, and fantasy themes. So blend together the typical fans of those genres, but add in a double dash of creativity and a childish sense of wonder.
Jodie Brittain
For one thing, there's more than one kind of smart. There's emotional smart, street-smart, artistic smart, and so on. When we talk about intelligence, we usually mean the kind you can measure with an IQ test. That's the logic aspects - math, language, spatial reasoning. Computers, after all, are good at that kind of smart as well. But interpersonal human interaction takes place in a completely different realm.
In fact, we even know about a certain kind of person who is specifically IQ-smart, but people-dumb. That's called "Asperger's Syndrome." Of course, we hate to even bring it up because there's something about that condition that makes everyone self-diagnose as soon as they read about it. (It's rare. Like Lou Gehrig's Disease rare. You don't have it.) It just makes a point that there is a difference between cognitive brains and relationship brains.
For a lighter treatment, we'll toss in 5 Reasons You’re Not Dating Smarter Women. Just in case you were wondering.
The Internet age has unfortunately produced the electronic shut-in. Blah blah, combination of factors go here, but what we have is a whole generation of people who don't know how to start a conversation. Well, friends, here's a few suggestions to pry yourself out of that wallpaper:
Dance anyway! We hear over and over that "I don't know how to dance." You know why everybody says that? Because nobody knows how! So why don't you invent it? Go to a club where you've never been seen before, don't even talk to anybody, and just dance, dammit! Like there's a gun to your head! Try it three times, and you'll never be uncomfortable again. Now watch others and learn how.
Practice striking up conversations daily. Any trivial thing. In the elevator, waiting for a bus, or standing in line at the check-out, you can just practice at least speaking to strangers. Just make a funny little comment to no one in particular, and whatever the response is, live with it.
Attend local social happenings in your community. This can be a local garden show, a meeting of the neighborhood association, whatever. The idea is not that you're cruising for a date, but that you're just getting socialized.
Volunteer! Work at a soup line or shelter, get involved in your community. You will do good work, you'll have to socialize at least a little bit, and you'll never find anybody less intimidating to talk to than a needy teenager - or another volunteer.
Shop second-hand. Thrift stores, flea markets, and garage sales all have these things in common: they're less formal, more casual, and everybody's chatty. You'll meet some of the most interesting people while you both browse the vinyl records in a box for twenty-five cents in somebody's yard.
The "Why not?" is because people don't like to be treated like that. They showed up in person to see you, not read a piece of paper you've handed them. And they probably don't want your business card, either. Furthermore, when you print up resumes for a dating event, what you're really saying is "I can't think outside the office." Which is a shame, because - singles take note - the really interesting things in a relationship happen in the bedroom.
Like I've advised in earlier blog posts, you should also leave behind the phone, laptop, and other gizmos on a date, even a speed-date. There's a difference between being being tech-savvy and tech-dependent. When you can't be pried away from your gadget, you're telling your date that they will never have your undivided attention. A woman can look like Carmen Electra, be dressed like Leelu in the Fifth Element and be doing Chinese-acrobat cartwheels on her way to engaging in some carnal act with you from the back pages of the Kama Sutra, and you'd be all "Yeah, uh-huh, very nice, hon. Oh my God! My stock went up half a point!"
Jodie Brittain
